One of my first girlfriends wore the Good Girl mask. She was absolutely perfect in school. The perfect outer image, straight A’s in school, and a squeaky clean record.
As I got to know her more, I came to realize show wasn’t so “good” at all. In fact she was the exact polar opposite. Throw her in a party and her devilish side would always come out. Her Bad Girl image was heavily suppressed by her dense Good Girl mask. The more she tried t0 hide her internal Bad Girl, the greater her Good Girl mask would shine.
As we grew older it became very evident not just to myself, but others that her public facade was beginning to peal away.
Over the years we’ve still stayed in contact and it’s been an eye opening experience to witness her begin to embrace that “dark” aspect of her Bad Girl mask without having to be the Good Girl she really is not. It’s not only allowed her to accept herself more authentically, but also dissolve the mask of the Good Girl image.
Know any Good Girls?
THE GOOD GIRL
The Good Girl goes out of her way to let everyone know what a positive force she is in the world. Always bringing a ray of sunshine and a sweet smile with her, the Good Girl wants you to know that she is a nice, decent, prim and proper lady who always follows the rules.
The first to ask how your children are doing in school or how your mother is getting along, the Good Girl oozes thoughtfulness, always the first to lend a supportive ear or a motivational pep talk to those in need. The Good Girl jumps on the opportunity to overlook her needs for the needs of another, because she believes that being good is the source of her worthiness.
She is a plain Jane who knows how to mind her own business, and doesn’t need to stand out. In fact, as a prey type, she’s programmed not to stand out. You know her: she is the one who brings cookies and casseroles to all your events and charity functions and volunteers to clean up at the end. But she could just as easily be the one to carry on an affair with another woman’s husband, while pretending to be her best friend.
So committed is the Good Girl to upholding her image that she projects this mask onto her family, friends, and community as well. Often she flat-out refuses to see any slice of reality that could be constructed as negative. She does not want to talk about conflicting urges, and she never cops to any feelings of jealousy, pettiness, or rage.
Beneath her tidy facade, the Good Girl fears her own messy and unpredictable humanity and closes the door on anything that does not match her self-image.
THE GOOD GIRL’S SHAME
Imperfect, undesirable, broken, deceitful, bad
THE GOOD GIRL’S CHALLENGE
The Good Girls challenge begins with acknowledging the experiences she had early on in life that led her to believe she is a bad girl and that to be loved, accepted and belong she must project and image of goodness and perfection. By scratching beneath the surface of her Good Girl persona, she beings to expose her authentic yet rejected impulses and desires.
Only when she is in touch with these can she recognize them as important and valuable aspects of her nature. This allows the Good Girl to he honest. Good Girl types often do not find the motivation to change until they have exhausted themselves by trying to prove how perfectly good they are or have suffocated themselves inside the confines of their own mask.
Once unmasked, the Good Girl can look forward to reclaiming her power and experiencing more genuine and fulfilling levels of self-expression.
– Debbie Ford
I would love to hear your thoughts below!
Did you miss the last Mask Of The Wounded Ego? Check out The Victim Here.
Ryan
